Alicia的實話實説

颜色是你的看法~如果一切都是空的话~还会有颜色吗？

Sometimes I am quiet, just like today. Today, I'm feeling down. A lot of things, make you speechless and there is no use for you to defense yourself right? By the way, I'm that kind of stupid girl who doesn't know how to defense myself well, just like what they said, "FRAGILE"~~
feeling sleepy now, tomorrow i'm gonna hav a very early morning flight, hav to wake up by 2am plus~~so i make my emotional writings short. Guess what? State representative champion public speaker in multi languages biten her tongue today!! Instructor qualification in public speaking will be sent back to the class if the same case occurs again! I was having ulcer~~and... feeling very dizzy as well...dunno why, cat bites my tongue today! Ok, I'm sorry. I don't know what happen to me, so should i make my announcement in the way I should do in doing a public speaking? What happen?? Because I didn't make it fluently~~My pronounciation has something wrong? I'm the pronounciation comment picker in all time public speaking meeting? So...what's going on to me?? I dunno! Maybe i only can perform well on stage~~~ha!

No matter what am i going through almost everyday, that's the day. But recently i'm getting more and more tired with some comments and so called 'suggestions". I keep telling myself, the day is the day, good suggestions, accept it, others just take it as reminder or ignore it. However, more and more things keep coming in, till you cant accept some so called "culture" and if you don't be like one you will be rejected. I'm one of the "terrorists" like what they called me last time! Now? Ha~~ This has nothing to do in what am i doing now~~ you know why almost none of them will be graded as "polite" among all my frens who experience the transport travelling before? because is the culture of that!! I dunno how to do it! frankly! I cant do it!! It is still graded as RUDE to me!! so...same thing goes again! more things about me will be "added" on because of tis kind of things~~

I hate myself!! I really hate myself of being a weirdo~~~ I'm so different~~why i cant be someone else with normal face normal mind normal in everything? I dun like my face~~~ What for with my stupid blur kid outlook that makes me more attractive to some certain ppl? It brings my character presentation down!! PPl thought I'm like how they judge from my look and my behaviour~~~ but do you know the inner part of me? Ya...no one can see that if you dunno me~~sad case~~~I think my weakness takes me down~~~When rushing things and doing jobs~~~ i can't answer ppl's questions correctly~~ i will answer differently from what is on my mind~~and sometimes i din even notice it!!! if not~~i hav to be very very serious with that "terrorist" look to concerntrate myself on everything~~then..i will be "not friendly" again~sigh~~~ Do you know that no matter how, I will have my job done? Passegers' compliments brighten my days up, but you couldn't see that because you are concerntrating on picking other things~~

Ppl make mistakes, so can I pick all your mistakes out? I can't do I? Mistakes, i will admit~~ I'll appologise~~ But ridiculous small matter for nothing good? Just want ppl to follow whatever in your own style? Tis is call~~dictator or maybe discrimination~~I'm getting more and more being annoyed~~ today tis "Big person" in company call you to hav your hair like tis, today another one ask you to hav your hair like tat~~everyday is changing~~ do you all tot my hair is what? Your hair dressing puppet?! i have a big head!! My head is 1-1 1/2 inches bigger than normal girls, so no matter what hair i have, It is still big! I hav seeked 5-8 hair stylist for hair consultaion~~~nothing can be done for now!! Dude!!! the more I done to my hair...the more ugly it will be!! I can only wait it to become long! but it can't longer than my armpit line~~so it will remain the same "look" at last! So what you want me to do?? Huh!!! ?? Even the make up~~ Tis big person say tis~~ that big person like it~~~ then next~~~tis one says another thing~~~ u want me to listen to who? Passengers like it~~~ so? I serve for who? U all or passengers? 

I dunno how to cover my back~~ because of my look? So...no matter what~~ i will be the one who being blamed? Why me again?? Is not me doing this!! Then?! 
Why me again? I done what should be done, I done nothing wrong... you are reminding me or?? you make a mistake that I did anything wrong? 

Huh?! I cant hear you!! Because, my hearing prob~~~ ok... fine~~~ I better go and hav my ears cut off~~~ no matter where i go~~ my hearing prob will still give me troubles~~OK!! I'm one of the deformities~~ are you happy of hearing that? I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!! Deformity is not my fault!! My fault is~~i did not tell you , you , and YOU!!! Hello, I'm XXX and...I'm half deaf, please talk loudly and slowly and clearly when you are talking to me!! Thanks!! Sometimes I will get soft in answering back..because I'm afraid I'm getting too loud~~ Because I cant hear my own voice clearly~~~ I'm Sorry!!

I'm quiet all the time~~because i dun speak much when doing works~~~ because..I feel it is not right~~~ Erm..maybe you hav a different opinion~~~

Do you know~~why I'm so down and sad...because of many more~~~~I can't be in the style of the "brain wash standard" style~~~ Because I'm different~~ I'm starting to thinking of the Japanese Drama Series of Attention Please~~~ Am I in the drama or what?? I guess so~~ya~~Then i feel..dizzy~~~ Cuz... i hate myself...i cant communicate well with humans?? Ya~~ i think so~~~ Passengers? They are different~~ That's why i love them more than other things~~

I'm trying very very hard to change and suit it~~~ but please dun picking small things to bring me down and give me hard time!! I might look like the girl that you rejected in tis field...but when you look carefully~~~ 90%~~~ who is making the mistake?? Please be fair! God will judge you~~

Thank you HR~You are the greatest one~~~ after consulting from you~~ what you hav shown  to me~~ with you tubes videos~~ I understand now~~ I feel better now~~~ look at tis video~~ You will learn a lot from him~~~ If there's no nothing in tis world..will you still judge~~ we are born from nothing~~~ everything is set by our own... then we follow~~ but actually~there is nothing in everything~~~

Short? I make it long again~~ Zzzzzzz~~stop thinking of killing myself~~~ because there are nothing ~~

I'm beautiful, no matter what they say.... Thank you~~~