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2009/05/22
颜色是你的看法~如果一切都是空的话~还会有颜色吗？
Sometimes I am quiet, just like today. Today, I'm feeling down. A lot of things, make you speechless and there is no use for you to defense yourself right? By the way, I'm that kind of stupid girl who doesn't know how to defense myself well, just like what they said, "FRAGILE"~~
feeling sleepy now, tomorrow i'm gonna hav a very early morning flight, hav to wake up by 2am plus~~so i make my emotional writings short. Guess what? State representative champion public speaker in multi languages biten her tongue today!! Instructor qualification in public speaking will be sent back to the class if the same case occurs again! I was having ulcer~~and... feeling very dizzy as well...dunno why, cat bites my tongue today! Ok, I'm sorry. I don't know what happen to me, so should i make my announcement in the way I should do in doing a public speaking? What happen?? Because I didn't make it fluently~~My pronounciation has something wrong? I'm the pronounciation comment picker in all time public speaking meeting? So...what's going on to me?? I dunno! Maybe i only can perform well on stage~~~ha!
No matter what am i going through almost everyday, that's the day. But recently i'm getting more and more tired with some comments and so called 'suggestions". I keep telling myself, the day is the day, good suggestions, accept it, others just take it as reminder or ignore it. However, more and more things keep coming in, till you cant accept some so called "culture" and if you don't be like one you will be rejected. I'm one of the "terrorists" like what they called me last time! Now? Ha~~ This has nothing to do in what am i doing now~~ you know why almost none of them will be graded as "polite" among all my frens who experience the transport travelling before? because is the culture of that!! I dunno how to do it! frankly! I cant do it!! It is still graded as RUDE to me!! so...same thing goes again! more things about me will be "added" on because of tis kind of things~~
I hate myself!! I really hate myself of being a weirdo~~~ I'm so different~~why i cant be someone else with normal face normal mind normal in everything? I dun like my face~~~ What for with my stupid blur kid outlook that makes me more attractive to some certain ppl? It brings my character presentation down!! PPl thought I'm like how they judge from my look and my behaviour~~~ but do you know the inner part of me? Ya...no one can see that if you dunno me~~sad case~~~I think my weakness takes me down~~~When rushing things and doing jobs~~~ i can't answer ppl's questions correctly~~ i will answer differently from what is on my mind~~and sometimes i din even notice it!!! if not~~i hav to be very very serious with that "terrorist" look to concerntrate myself on everything~~then..i will be "not friendly" again~sigh~~~ Do you know that no matter how, I will have my job done? Passegers' compliments brighten my days up, but you couldn't see that because you are concerntrating on picking other things~~
Ppl make mistakes, so can I pick all your mistakes out? I can't do I? Mistakes, i will admit~~ I'll appologise~~ But ridiculous small matter for nothing good? Just want ppl to follow whatever in your own style? Tis is call~~dictator or maybe discrimination~~I'm getting more and more being annoyed~~ today tis "Big person" in company call you to hav your hair like tis, today another one ask you to hav your hair like tat~~everyday is changing~~ do you all tot my hair is what? Your hair dressing puppet?! i have a big head!! My head is 1-1 1/2 inches bigger than normal girls, so no matter what hair i have, It is still big! I hav seeked 5-8 hair stylist for hair consultaion~~~nothing can be done for now!! Dude!!! the more I done to my hair...the more ugly it will be!! I can only wait it to become long! but it can't longer than my armpit line~~so it will remain the same "look" at last! So what you want me to do?? Huh!!! ?? Even the make up~~ Tis big person say tis~~ that big person like it~~~ then next~~~tis one says another thing~~~ u want me to listen to who? Passengers like it~~~ so? I serve for who? U all or passengers?
I dunno how to cover my back~~ because of my look? So...no matter what~~ i will be the one who being blamed? Why me again?? Is not me doing this!! Then?!
Why me again? I done what should be done, I done nothing wrong... you are reminding me or?? you make a mistake that I did anything wrong?
Huh?! I cant hear you!! Because, my hearing prob~~~ ok... fine~~~ I better go and hav my ears cut off~~~ no matter where i go~~ my hearing prob will still give me troubles~~OK!! I'm one of the deformities~~ are you happy of hearing that? I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!! Deformity is not my fault!! My fault is~~i did not tell you , you , and YOU!!! Hello, I'm XXX and...I'm half deaf, please talk loudly and slowly and clearly when you are talking to me!! Thanks!! Sometimes I will get soft in answering back..because I'm afraid I'm getting too loud~~ Because I cant hear my own voice clearly~~~ I'm Sorry!!
I'm quiet all the time~~because i dun speak much when doing works~~~ because..I feel it is not right~~~ Erm..maybe you hav a different opinion~~~
Do you know~~why I'm so down and sad...because of many more~~~~I can't be in the style of the "brain wash standard" style~~~ Because I'm different~~ I'm starting to thinking of the Japanese Drama Series of Attention Please~~~ Am I in the drama or what?? I guess so~~ya~~Then i feel..dizzy~~~ Cuz... i hate myself...i cant communicate well with humans?? Ya~~ i think so~~~ Passengers? They are different~~ That's why i love them more than other things~~
I'm trying very very hard to change and suit it~~~ but please dun picking small things to bring me down and give me hard time!! I might look like the girl that you rejected in tis field...but when you look carefully~~~ 90%~~~ who is making the mistake?? Please be fair! God will judge you~~
Thank you HR~You are the greatest one~~~ after consulting from you~~ what you hav shown to me~~ with you tubes videos~~ I understand now~~ I feel better now~~~ look at tis video~~ You will learn a lot from him~~~ If there's no nothing in tis world..will you still judge~~ we are born from nothing~~~ everything is set by our own... then we follow~~ but actually~there is nothing in everything~~~
Short? I make it long again~~ Zzzzzzz~~stop thinking of killing myself~~~ because there are nothing ~~
I'm beautiful, no matter what they say.... Thank you~~~
繼續閱讀
2009/04/26
點點點~癲癲癲~
剛飛回來~~很累~~~想睡覺~~可覺得~~部落格空當了很久~~~就打算先回來寫些我進來的感觸和近況吧~~正式成爲空姐后~~開始到處飛了~~~在飛機裏，感覺上~~就好像每天都在坐過山車一樣~~~回到家后，整個人都好像還在浮著一樣，腳沒到地~~這感覺到底真還是不真呀？
同事領隊之間的開心和不愉快~~有的~~但也懶得說~~~有好氣沒氣的~~每天都好像做夢一樣~~~第二天又是全新的一天~~昨天就是一場夢~~~可是~~~我說~~~乘客給我的感覺比較真~~~我愛乘客多過其他在飛機上的咚咚~~我愛上他們了~~他們比較好相處~~至少更加明白事理~~~不知怎麽的~~~就算有糟糕的乘客登機~~~打從心理說實話~~我根本沒有生過他們的氣~~~再糟糕的乘客~~~最後依然會在你付出的一切努力后而說聲謝謝和對你囘個禮貌的笑容~~
唉~~亞航空姐空少~~是份超級無敵的萬能工作~~我承認以前是我的無知~~對這行業一點認知都沒有~~~與一般人一樣一般見識~~原來空姐空少是飛機上的救生人員和警衛~~可是爲什麽說是萬能的呢？你有見過海邊的救生人員會隨傳隨到地服務你嗎？你有見過警衛拿著茶點侍候你嗎？你必須懂得飛機的基本運作和常識、懂得地理、懂得所有出口的操作和運作、懂得緊急設施和步驟、懂得在任何情況下控制所有乘客、懂得操作救生儀器、懂得救傷和急救、懂得如何面對炸彈和恐怖份子、懂得如何檢查機内的安全、懂得如何制服暴力或難以克制的乘客、當然也必須懂得如何銷售飲食和服侍乘客、懂得與乘客溝通，必要下也必須擔任公關一職、爲了照顧形象，當然也必須懂得化妝和儀態~~~而且樣樣都要快快快快快！
~~~很多人誤以爲要進入這行業一定要長得好看~~那就大錯特錯了~~~因爲沒人要選一個只會擺美的花瓶~~~其實只要你懂得照顧自己的形象和外表，再加上你擁有其他的良好條件~~你長得好不好看~~~根本不是一個話題~~~~因爲沒有人是真的長得不好看的！！！你以爲長得好看就不會踫到糟糕的事情，就不需要救人嗎？？
換個話題~~~上個月我才飛了三天~~可是收到的工資竟是我以前辛勞忙碌一整個月的一半~~~很多吧~~不多~~但對只有三天工作時間的我來説~~~是非常地多！！可是，我現在住的地方就好像在野嶺森林一樣~~如果像我一樣沒有汽車沒有交通的話~~就哪都去不了~~~休息日裏，我都是吃些乾糧或是快熟面來生存~~~所以嘛~~我又廋了~~~嗚嗚嗚~~~靠近機場嘛~~樣樣都便宜~~租金便宜~~交通租金也不貴~~~可就~~~餓呀~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~吃得亂七八糟的~~~~~~~此外，尤其這幾天~~在家裏的我簡直是熱得要熟透了~~~~~~~~更是~~~與世隔絕了~~~不知怎麽的~~~我感覺非常地空虛~~~~空空洞洞~~~~單單調調~~~~對朋友和家人~~~想念再想念~~~~~那只番薯也難見幾囘面~~~~~~所以~~~就是説~~~即從未擁有過又哪來的失去？就是因爲你真正體會到擁有~~~你才會擁有這般的苦滋~~~~
前幾個星期内的休息日~~我都在唱歌吧~~~~都在Meetoto唱歌~~~~而最近的這幾天休息日就瘋狂地埋頭寫歌編曲~~~~我都不知道~~~自己的音域又再高了~~~~而且~~~~歌唱方式~~~~也已大不同~~~~大概~~~是因爲~~~~我享受~~~~沒有壓力~~很自然地情況下~~~盡情地唱吧~~~~~我根本不用顧慮一切~~~~也不用跳舞~~哈哈~~那幾天在meetoto盡然能夠唱《征服》、《回家》等原KEY，還狂飆海豚音~~~~~我都沒有想像過自己能夠唱得到~~而且好像完全沒有困難地唱上去~~~~其實~~~我很開心~~~~因爲~~~起碼~~~我找回自我~~~~~有多人驚嘆~~~叫我高音怪物的也有好幾個~~他們都很可愛~~~~呵呵~~~我不是啥比賽的啥啥~~也不是歌壇裏面的啥啥~~~~我只是無法脫離音樂和歌唱~~~~所以~~~我唱~~~~我不在乎自己唱得不好怕你聽到~~~~唱走音走拍~~~也不是第一次了~~~~我就是~~~被音樂歌唱鎖住了~~~~我逃不出來~~~~願意儅歌迷的紛紛過來給我鼓勵和支持~~~~謝謝你們~~~給我靈魂~~~~我~~~不要求些什麽~~~有人欣賞~~~~有人要聼~~~~我就會願意為你而唱~~~~在家裏唱歌 ~~~~原以爲同屋友會生氣~~哪知道~~他們問我在播什麽電臺~~~昏倒~~~~過後都很驚嘆~~~三更半夜~~~還叫我唱~~~~可能屋子太大太空了~~~回音修飾下~~~好像唱得很好聽~~~其實~~~可能他們沒聼得出小毛病吧~~~~但~~~我真得很開心~~~是真的~~~~~沒有任何一樣的讚美~~~能夠比得過歌唱和音樂上的稱讚~~~~其他的領域的讚美~~~我怎麽興奮感多不大~~~~這就除了音樂和歌唱~~~~~
休息日裏~~~要說回家鄉嘛~~兩天~~也不夠~~通常休息日前一天已經飛到三更半夜了~~~~休息兩天后第二天都是必須淩晨三點起身~~~我還很新~~~不想讓自己太累而出太多差錯~~~結果就哪都沒去~~~呆在家裏~~~就寫歌寫歌~~~~~雖然很難與音樂組員們見面~~但我們還是找到了方式來聯絡和一起寫歌~~~有樣東西叫email，也有樣東西叫MSN的嘛~~哈哈~~~
我不知道怎麽~~~爲什麽音樂的魔力這麽大~~~我三番兩次想要撇開她~~可她完全揮之不去~~~~高中時期~~我說要做個爸爸媽媽心目中的那一個~~~所以我不唱不寫歌~~~不碰歌不聼音樂~~~~我讀讀讀~~~讀出一個漂亮的成績~~~~~怎知道~~~我會失控~~~大學先修班~~~我很失落~~~我又再開始音樂和歌唱~~~~與我同坐了幾年的同學完全沒聼過我認真唱歌~~~她傻了~~~我~~~卻覺得很難受~~~很心疼~~~因爲我得到了國外音樂發展的機會~~~~我卻沒辦法把它抓著~~~~我無需對任何人說~~~我只是非常地失落和傷心~~~也沒有人知道爲什麽我這麽失落和傷心~~~~
抛下政府大學給的工程係~~~上了拉曼大學后~~我簡直是中了音樂的蠱~~~~~她很像白粉啊~~~也開始慢慢地~~~因爲音樂~~~我擁有了很多~~~看到了很多~~~~是我以前都沒有擁有過的~~~音樂帶給我非比尋常的友誼和人生哲學~~~更帶給我導師~~~我開始寫靈魂之曲~~~目的是要感受靈魂最深處~~~更希望是有哲學性和教導性的~~~此外也借著音樂來發洩和表達不太會表達自我的自己~~~但~~音樂讓我富有了~~~也讓我窮透了~~~~~~爲了藝術~~爲了音樂~~~~爲了夢想~~~~我連家人都養不起~~~~~我很不肖~~~~
在闖蕩的日子中~~~~各種經歷~~~我開始越來越心酸~~~~很多很多次~~~我迷茫得無法形容~~~~我根本不知道自己在幹什麽~~~~~~搞得自己又累又窮~~~~還要家人陪我一起挨~~~~~我很努力~~~可是不知道要如何讓別人看到~~~~你說我好、他說我強、他們說我最棒~~~可是~~~對的伯樂都看不到~~~~我也不知道要怎樣表現給他們看~~~~~我到底在幹什麽？！
最後~~~我得到了高薪的機會~~~~我誤打誤撞~~盡然得到了空姐一職~~~所以~~再次~~我希望讓自己有一個重新來過的開始~~~我一直對自己說~~~我有了新的目標和夢想~~~~音樂將會是我的愛好~~不再是我的什麽~~~
唉~~~你說要擺脫她真得這麽容易嗎？至從與周老師見了面后~~~~我真的完全改觀了~~~~我不能辜負音樂~~~~她就在我的血裏面~~~我的音樂底子不深~~~~可爲什麽我對她這麽着迷？因爲~~~我忘了~~~音樂是陪著我一起出世的！我要出世的那天，我的母親還在教著學生們歌唱~~她彈著琴~~~~我的音樂旋律~~~是突如其來的~~~仿佛不是我作的~~~~~所以~~~音樂是我最最最老的朋友~~也是最最最好的知己~~~可是我一次又一次地辜負她~~~我一次又一次地想把她抛開~~~~
我想了一陣子~~~不管未來如何~~~我會仍舊完成我兩年的空姐合約~~除非有哪間公司這麽看得起我吧～～～哈哈～～～幻想也能成真嗎？不過～～音樂的路～～我會走下去～～一同走下去～～～～我不會停止～～～～儅我失去所有的時候～～～只有音樂與我同在～～～我怎能再度抛棄她背叛她呢？
可是～～很可惜的～～～主音因爲時間和壓力的問題～～～她選擇停止了～～～但我組的門還是永遠歡迎她回來～～～因爲她永遠會是我們最棒的～～～～HR也別生氣了～～～這是她的決定～～～她並沒有意思要抛棄我們～～～我們三人一直努力闖下去～～不言棄～～希望我們的心是一至的～～～～我們必須努力再努力～～再努力～～～
繼續閱讀
2009/02/26
我們的未來不是夢
不知道從何說起~~~我今天才收到了老師（師公？老師的老師吧）的來函~~~我相信，我組各個都欣喜若狂了~~~我~~看了老師的信~~~很感動~~~第一次見到老師~~~他就給了我其他的音樂人給不到我的那一種感覺了~~~那天再次會見了老師~~~我們與他聊了許多~~~果然~~他真的不一樣~~~他真的很不一樣~~~今天，看到了老師的來函~~~相信不止我，就連我的夥伴也很感動了~~~趕快把消息傳給我們的主音聼~~她也~~呆住了~~~~你知道我們感動些什麽嗎？~~因爲老師對我們是出自于最原始的欣賞~~~~如此的前輩~~~難尋~~~還是要謝謝我的之前的公司老闆的介紹~~~可能她真的看到了我真正的能処吧~~~之前的一些來函邀請的公司們~~不知怎麽~~都讓我感覺到了通俗和有與沒有都無所謂的感覺，因爲我感覺不到他們懂得欣賞~~~~可是老師~~~卻給了我~~~感動~~~燃燒囘我對音樂的愛~~~
繼續閱讀
2009/02/25
Live like a normal one!
An incident occured last week. The unique girl was dropped batch because of that. Although we seem dunno what's the conversation carried out between her and the department, we know the main reason of why she was dropped batch.
Sigh, no matter what and how, she is gifted and unique. And, I will guarantee that she is mentally and physically fit!
Actually I feel sorry and angry behalf of her, because it was not her fault on the incident happened. She was the victim and yet other ppl's fault had fallen on her. What an unfair world!
You know last time why I hate normal people? Because they scare of something that they do not understand! They will not try to understand it but they will try to do things to hurt you and give many excuses on what you are trying to tell them such as "this is your own imagination.. this is just another coincident.." just because you are different.
Sigh, no matter what and how, she is gifted and unique. And, I will guarantee that she is mentally and physically fit!
Actually I feel sorry and angry behalf of her, because it was not her fault on the incident happened. She was the victim and yet other ppl's fault had fallen on her. What an unfair world!
You know last time why I hate normal people? Because they scare of something that they do not understand! They will not try to understand it but they will try to do things to hurt you and give many excuses on what you are trying to tell them such as "this is your own imagination.. this is just another coincident.." just because you are different.
繼續閱讀
2009/02/18
